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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22554403">Nightmares</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsh_7/pseuds/marsh_7'>marsh_7</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Disabled Character, Childhood Trauma, Drinking, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Late Night Conversations, Mild Blood, Minor Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Minor Raven Reyes/Miles Ezekiel Shaw, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, The 100 (TV) Season 6, i love them so much fuck, murven - Freeform, post episode 6x03, the cockroach and the raven, when all your faves have big time trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:56:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,258</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22554403</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsh_7/pseuds/marsh_7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven can't sleep and neither can Murphy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Murphy &amp; Raven Reyes, John Murphy/Raven Reyes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Nightmares</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     "Screw this."</p><p> </p><p>     Raven's skin buzzed with restlessness. It was late but she didn't want to be in that bed for a minute longer. She swung her herself upright and began putting her brace on. The knee felt tight and her hip throbbed. She rubbed her leg for a moment before standing up, teeth gritted. Chronic pain isn't all that you are, she reminded herself. But it didn't mean it didn't piss her off sometimes.</p><p>     She quietly opened her door and slowly walked down the hallway. She didn't really know anyone in this place and right now, she hoped she didn't run into someone, let alone talk to them. Especially not Clarke or Abby. This place put her on edge. Things seemed great at first but something bad always happened sooner or later. Nothing was daisies anywhere, no matter how pretty the place smelled.</p><p>     The stairs creaked under her weight, making her flinch. <em>If I run into anyone I'll just say I needed to stretch my leg. I was looking for the bathroom.</em> A dozens lies formed in her head while avoiding the real reason she couldn't sleep.</p><p>     When her bare feet touched the dirt she stopped, took a breath in. The cool open air felt good on her skin. Her eyes were drawn to the stars, they always were. She stared until Shaw came rushing into her thoughts again; her eyes stung.</p><p>     "Raven Reyes, the girl with her head in the stars."</p><p>     She glanced left. She hadn't noticed him in the dark. He blended in with the field, but she knew by his voice who it was. <em>Maybe shadows were always drawn to him like my eyes were to the stars.</em></p><p>     She kept such musings to herself. "I was just thinking of you and how you reminded me of the planet Uranus. No clue why." she said.</p><p>     His head turned towards her and she could tell by his tone that he was smirking. "You were thinking of me? I'm touched."</p><p>     She lowered herself down beside him and jammed her toes into the dirt. "You look like shit." He was bloodshot eyes and sharp edges.</p><p>     Murphy did a quick exhale, not a laugh and not a sigh. "Nice to know the inside matches the outside." She could smell a faint whiff of alcohol on him but said nothing.</p><p>     Raven had tried not to think about that day or the beach. She tried not to think about a lot of things anymore. When she wasn't being tormented with the image of Shaw's burned face some of her nightmares had Bellamy's hands around her throat instead of around Murphy's. She wondered how many nightmares they all had....if they could even keep track anymore. She really didn't want to think of their dead friends right now.</p><p>     She wrapped her arms around herself. "Why are you out here?" It was quiet out, the kind that makes your ears buzz.</p><p>     "Couldn't sleep." his voice was as empty as the field they sat in. "You?"</p><p>     It was probably more likely that he didn't even want to try to sleep, she thought. The soundtrack to her own nightmares and the whole inn had been Murphy screaming the past two nights. The first night she heard it she damn near fell out of bed. She had her brace half on before he stopped suddenly. She could faintly hear the murmur of Emori talking to him. Raven really couldn't tell if they were back together or not. She didn't think a cosmic induced stabbing would stop them.</p><p>     He turned toward her and she realized she hadn't answered. It was suddenly too quiet, too intimate. His gaze made her skin itch. She felt like she was being examined and it pissed her off.</p><p>     "I was stretching my leg." She put venom into the words but didn't feel it in her belly, not anymore at least.</p><p>     It wasn't really a lie but she hoped he would turn away with that one. He stared at her a second longer before leaning his head back towards the sky. The look said he didn't quite believe her and Raven was fine with that. She didn't want to talk about Shaw, she didn't want to be asked if she was okay. In return she wouldn't ask him about the beach. She was so sick of everyone looking at her like she was broken. It was just like when Finn died. She didn't want to think about them or Monty or Harper, for that matter. She was tired of hurting, physically and mentally.</p><p>     Her chest felt strained. "I just want to sit here, okay?" she whispered.</p><p>     He stared at the dark sky for a couple beats before saying "Okay, Raven."</p><p>     She let out a breath she was holding. The rustling grass tickled her calves. Every few seconds she felt the wind blow her hair, the ends swishing against her back. She tried to let the peaceful atmosphere wash over her. The silence shouldn't feel easy sitting here with him. She remembered how she use to feel, when he set her chest on fire with rage and disgust. But anymore it was like a lighter out of fuel. The silence was unbelievably comfortable.</p><p>     Murphy shifted next to her and pulled out a flask. He tipped it to her wordlessly but she shook her head. "Will that help?" she asked. She had seen him drinking a lot lately, probably too much. Never as plastered as her mother would get but he looked buzzed all the time anymore.</p><p>     "Not with sleep, really. But it takes the edge off." He leaned forward with a smirk that didn't meet his eyes. "Literally makes the corners a little fuzzy......You sure you don't want any?" he tipped his head at her lap.</p><p>     She glanced down; she had been rubbing her hand on her leg absentmindedly. The material had numbed her fingers without her even noticing. Without a word she held her hand out for the flask. It had weight to it and felt gritty in her palm. "Do I want to know what's in it?"</p><p>     "Do you want to relax?" he said with a shrug.</p><p>     Her heart thumped hard in her chest once. Because of her alcoholic mother she didn't really drink. Just holding the flask made her a little anxious, brewing bad memories within her. But she felt impulsive and reckless and so, with sweaty hands, Raven took a quick swig. And she started coughing immediately. Murphy let out a genuine laugh, then. "Shut up." She whisper-yelled, reaching out to shove him.</p><p>     He dodged her and she was smiling too without realizing it. Had someone walked upon them they would see only ease, a camaraderie. They would see none of their history, know nothing of their past. She hadn't heard him laugh genuinely in a while. The alcohol burned in her stomach but felt kind of good. It distracted her from her thoughts, her back. After a few minutes she was mildly surprised she was feeling the affects so soon but she never really touched the stuff. Her body felt slightly warm all over now; stretching her arms above her head caused her to yawn.</p><p>     "Lightweight." Murphy whispered into the night.</p><p>     She ignored him. She was enjoying this slightly languid, tired feeling. Murphy was right, the edges were fuzzy. Feeling indifferent and objective as one usually feels when tired or tipsy, Raven thought of her mother. She didn't think she could ever forgive her but she could taste the teasing promise of oblivion on her tongue, felt how it must have whispered to her mother. Her mind wasn't racing and her muscles didn't feel quite as tense as they always do. But suddenly, unprompted by the thoughts that had tormented her the last few days, she was crying. It's like her body had decided she needed to, it had let its guard down. If its one thing Raven hated, it was crying in front of people. But that's what was happening. Her cheeks were slick with the traitorous tears. She tried wiping them away before Murphy looked at her. She didn't know if she could handle seeing pity in his eyes, too.</p><p>     Murphy was quiet. He didn't say anything, didn't look at her. After a moment he scooted over until his shoulder touched hers. Raven dug her fingernails into her palms. As if crying wasn't embarrassing enough, this awkward idiot was comforting her. The cockroach comforting the raven. She didnt know whether to laugh or cry more.</p><p>     She was sick of feeling so angry all the time. And god, was she tired. Without her realizing it, her head slid down until it rested on his shoulder. He glanced down at her, equally amused and uncomfortable with the contact. This wasn't familiar territory. After a minute he suddenly heard her breathing change. "Hey." he poked her head once.</p><p>     She raised blurry eyes, "What?" She didn't remember nodding off. The gentle sound of the wind in the grass mixed with Murphy's steady breathing had lulled her to sleep. If her brain didnt feel so foggy, she might have felt embarrassed.</p><p>     He wasn't surprised she had fallen asleep. The dark circles under her eyes matched his. If she wasn't exhausted and if she wasn't such a lightweight, he didn't think she would be resting against him. Murphy's neck burned with the proximity of her. He shook his head once and gently grabbed her hands to pull her to her feet. She gave a small grunt of complain. Then he bent and picked her up, cradling her like a child.</p><p>     Her eyes snapped wide open and suddenly she didn't look sleepy anymore. "Murphy, what the hell? Put me down!" She punched him once, hard, on his shoulder but he kept walking.</p><p>     "Would you shut up?" He adjusted his grip on her and her stomach pitched with the movement. Before she could process what was happening he was already through the inn's door and moving slowly up the stairs.</p><p>     She was so enraged she couldn't form words for a few seconds. "You're such a dick for this." she whispered. <em>If I punched him in the throat now would his croaking really wake anyone up?</em></p><p>     By the time he stood her on her feet in her room, she was livid. She rounded on him, barely controlling the volume of her voice. "Did you think that was funny? I'm capable of walking back to my room." She stepped closer to him, "I didn't need your help. I don't need anyone's help, okay? I'm not some broken toy you can toss wherever you want!"</p><p>     He glanced away from her, not quite meeting her eyes ever since he placed her back on her feet. Raven felt a pleasant rush as she realized he was embarrassed. Maybe he hadn't been thinking so clearly either. He had just wanted to help her. He felt bad for her, for Shaw, but he wasn't going to say that now unless he wanted to get his ass kicked. He rubbed the back of his neck roughly. "I know that. Go to bed, Raven." And he walked out, quietly shutting the door behind him.</p><p>     Raven had to bite her lip not to yell after him. She took her brace off and threw it down. She was annoyed by what he did and embarrassed. When she laid her head down on her pillow it took her a while to fall asleep. And when she did, thankfully she didn't dream.</p><p>     On his way back to his room Murphy downed the rest of his flask. He fell onto his bed, tossed it aside. <em>Why the fuck did I do that?</em> He roughly rubbed his hands down his face. Seeing her so sad and exhausted had sparked a match of affection in him, an emotion he rarely handed out to anyone. He had wanted to take care of her in that moment. And now he wasn't ever going to hear the end of it.</p><p>     The whole mess had taken his mind off the nightmares, at least. Bellamy's crazed eyes, Clarke yelling. He hadn't talked about it much, not even with Emori. He halfheartedly wished they were all back on the ship; still in cryosleep. He subconsciously touched the spot on his arm where Raven's head had been.</p><p>     It was nearly dawn when Murphy fell asleep. And this time he didn't have a nightmare or maybe it was one, depending on who you asked. His eyes had closed then opened on a cherry sky. It was the red of a hand print on a face and the pink of bruises before they fade completely. He was on his back in a field of blood red flowers. Pollen coated his fingertips yellow, the color so pigmented. The sun was stinging his eyes and the ground made the backs of his arms itch but he felt calm. Even as a bird landed on his chest and began pecking him. Its sharp beak tore right through his skin. It eyed him between strikes as if asking why he wasn't running. The bird tearing into him didn't hurt at all though. He laid there calmly as it ate his heart. <em>It'll be put to better use as the bird's lunch,</em> he thought distantly. The bird gave him one last look, its beak bloody, and flew away.</p><p>     When a slightly hungover Murphy woke up a few hours later, his stomach was leaded with unease. He couldn't remember what he dreamed about but he could have sworn it had something to do with a raven.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>should I write more to this or...</p></blockquote></div></div>
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